Zeno's Bar & Grill

An article last week in the WSJ raised the question of why we don’t reprimand other people’s kids. In the article, a quote from Garrison Keillor’s novel Wobegon Boy waxes nostalgic about a time when “you didn’t smart off to elders, and if a lady told you to blow your nose, you blew it.” I do try to instill a proper respect for older people, but with so many families, including my own, living far away from grandparents, aunts, and uncles, there are just fewer opportunities for my kids to get used to other adults disciplining them.

Also, for me there’s the question of why I feel defensive when someone reprimands my kids. I think part of it may have to do with the generation of perfectionists that Judith Warner talks about in her book Perfect Madness. So if someone reprimands my children, I take it as a direct criticism of my parenting. And really who can blame me? There seems to be a constant drone in the background telling me I should do more for my kids (61 million results from Google) and that it’s my fault when they do the wrong thing. No wonder I get a bit testy when the "well-meaning" lady says my one-year-old is being too loud at Taco Bell.

With all of that said in my defense however, as my kids get older and go on to more activities without me present, I do hope that their friends’ parents will feel comfortable in reprimanding my kids and even – gasp – giving them a time-out if needed. Maybe what we adults, floating alone like islands away from extended family, can do is create pacts with other parents we trust. We can give them permission to scold or give time outs to our children when they are in their care or somewhere where we are not. We can then create bridges between other families so that we aren’t as alone and so our children will feel comfortable knowing that there is someone in control, helping to keep them on the straight and narrow.

--Kelly