Zeno's Bar & Grill
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Of Friends and Women
Thursday night I went to a surprise birthday party. The surprise, however, was on the guests. None of us knew that is was our hostess’s birthday! It was a fun evening with about twenty women in attendance, of whom I knew about half. The most interesting thing for me was that I’d never been in the company of such a large woman-only crowd.
I went to a small high school, and wasn’t in the “popular” crowd though I had a cadre of about four or five close girl friends. And then in college, I didn’t join a sorority and had an equal mix of guy and girl friends. Maybe it was because I went through the majority of my teen-age years without a mother, but I’ve never felt super comfortable around large groups of women.
Since having my own children and becoming a stay-at-home mother I’ve been plunged into a girls-only network, which I find fascinating and at times still a little strange. For instance, one of my closer friends has stopped speaking to me. We were supposed to go out two weeks ago and I was fifteen minutes late picking her up. She decided she didn’t want to go, we got into an argument the next day and I haven’t heard from her since. In our argument, she said she felt like I was treating her like an “afterthought”. I think that she wanted a “best friend” to go steady with and I am just playing the field. Besides, I really, honestly feel like my husband is my best friend.
I’d be really interested to know how you all balance family (I don’t want to say obligations, because I’m including the fun stuff too), and your friends. And do you have a "best" frined that you do the majority of your things with or do you have a larger network of more casual friends?
--Kelly
I went to a small high school, and wasn’t in the “popular” crowd though I had a cadre of about four or five close girl friends. And then in college, I didn’t join a sorority and had an equal mix of guy and girl friends. Maybe it was because I went through the majority of my teen-age years without a mother, but I’ve never felt super comfortable around large groups of women.
Since having my own children and becoming a stay-at-home mother I’ve been plunged into a girls-only network, which I find fascinating and at times still a little strange. For instance, one of my closer friends has stopped speaking to me. We were supposed to go out two weeks ago and I was fifteen minutes late picking her up. She decided she didn’t want to go, we got into an argument the next day and I haven’t heard from her since. In our argument, she said she felt like I was treating her like an “afterthought”. I think that she wanted a “best friend” to go steady with and I am just playing the field. Besides, I really, honestly feel like my husband is my best friend.
I’d be really interested to know how you all balance family (I don’t want to say obligations, because I’m including the fun stuff too), and your friends. And do you have a "best" frined that you do the majority of your things with or do you have a larger network of more casual friends?
--Kelly
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What an interesting question.
My husband is also my best friend. However, he can't always give me the undivided listening and emotional attention other women can. Other moms can empathize with me on different levels. Surprisingly, I'm finding this hard to explain!
Anyway, I also have a group of three other moms whose families do things with ours on a regular basis. We eat lunch together, talk on the phone while we clean house, and occasionally go shopping together. :D I've also started branching out and making friends with some of the moms whose kids my kids play with at school. I'm not really looking for close friendships with these women, but I do like to know I'm expanding my repertoire as it were.
Finally, (and I'm sorry this is so long!) not one of my friends would ever give me the cold shoulder or think I was putting them last. They expect me to live my life first and get with them second. If I were writing a book and had baseball every night and was 15 minutes late for a "date" they'd understand. I've weeded out the other ones over the years. It's not worth the hassle.
There is so much more I could write, but a)I just woke up and haven't hit my writing stride yet and b)my best friend (DH) wants to go to the builder supply store and he's hovering.
My husband is also my best friend. However, he can't always give me the undivided listening and emotional attention other women can. Other moms can empathize with me on different levels. Surprisingly, I'm finding this hard to explain!
Anyway, I also have a group of three other moms whose families do things with ours on a regular basis. We eat lunch together, talk on the phone while we clean house, and occasionally go shopping together. :D I've also started branching out and making friends with some of the moms whose kids my kids play with at school. I'm not really looking for close friendships with these women, but I do like to know I'm expanding my repertoire as it were.
Finally, (and I'm sorry this is so long!) not one of my friends would ever give me the cold shoulder or think I was putting them last. They expect me to live my life first and get with them second. If I were writing a book and had baseball every night and was 15 minutes late for a "date" they'd understand. I've weeded out the other ones over the years. It's not worth the hassle.
There is so much more I could write, but a)I just woke up and haven't hit my writing stride yet and b)my best friend (DH) wants to go to the builder supply store and he's hovering.
Well, the wifey and I do most things together. Then we have this one couple that are our best friends here. Other than that...
Things have changed for me quite dramatically since I had my daughter 7 months ago. I still have friends, but the dynamic has changed, despite my initial attempts to ensure it didn't.
Priorities are different and not just for me. Some friends just aren't into the whole "family" situation and I can understand that. I probably reacted the same way when my friends had kids. That said I haven't entirely dropped the outgoing lifestyle I previously had with friends, it's just wound back a bit and they're understanding and supportive.
I agree with you that my partner is probably my best friend, but as chilihead says it only goes so far. I do know other women with kids, but have to admit an aversion to wanting to spend much time with them as it's the only thing we have in common and it drives me nutty after a bit. I would actually like to have a better circle of friends who have similar interests, similar circumstances and similar outlook on life, but that's always been the case really and maybe I need to be careful what I wish for.
Good to hear other opinions about this.
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Priorities are different and not just for me. Some friends just aren't into the whole "family" situation and I can understand that. I probably reacted the same way when my friends had kids. That said I haven't entirely dropped the outgoing lifestyle I previously had with friends, it's just wound back a bit and they're understanding and supportive.
I agree with you that my partner is probably my best friend, but as chilihead says it only goes so far. I do know other women with kids, but have to admit an aversion to wanting to spend much time with them as it's the only thing we have in common and it drives me nutty after a bit. I would actually like to have a better circle of friends who have similar interests, similar circumstances and similar outlook on life, but that's always been the case really and maybe I need to be careful what I wish for.
Good to hear other opinions about this.
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