Zeno's Bar & Grill

Want to feel really, really depressed? Read the NY Times obituaries and wedding announcements. Especially the wedding announcements.

There is nothing like reading about the gorgeous television host, former wife of SF mayor Gavin Newsom, marrying another TV host and president of a furniture chain to make you feel like your life is really just a little bit dull, isn’t it?

Then there are those expanded stories in the “Vows” section that tell tales of true love, which are guaranteed to make you feel like any relationship you’ve had is a failure.

And it’s not just the principal players who make you feel about two inches tall. The parents of these incredibly successful people have also done interesting things. They’re violinists who recorded with Elvis, songwriters whose work has been recorded by major stars, mixed-media artists whose work has been exhibited in New York galleries, and physicians and professors at ivy league schools.

I sincerely hope that these people do actually put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. To read these articles, you’d never think they’re anything less than impossibly romantic, charming and exciting 24/7.

If you’ve ever suffered from post-Sunday-morning-wedding-page depression, try my simple remedy. Just imagine these people fighting over whether it’s time to paint the garage again or how to properly separate whites and colors so you don’t ruin my favorite damn pants again, you moron. You know it’s got to happen, and that’s a best case scenario, considering the divorce rate. It’s almost as good as Prozac.

--Melanie