Zeno's Bar & Grill
Thursday, August 30, 2007
So That's What Those Pods Were For
There is just something wrong about having to read a manual to figure out how to operate your new coffee maker. After days of wondering and worrying about the weird elongated plastic piece in the water receptacle (Is it supposed to be there? Will it leach toxic chemicals if I leave it there while the water is heating? Why are there mysterious, crop-circle-like holes?), I finally decided to RTFM. Turns out it's a built in water filter holder.
And the water filters themselves?
Those would be the odd pod-like objects that I threw away since I couldn't figure out what they were.
--Melanie
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Not OCD, Just Trendy
Oh, thank heaven. Finally. Lists are "in."In my family, it's considered a sort of family disease. However, an article in today's NY Times Style section makes list-making sound practically like the hippest thing since the iPhone (the article even cleverly includes the author's to-do list embedded in the text--actually quite revealing for those of us interested in writing and the structure thereof.)
My list-making tendencies should not be news to anyone who reads this blog. We all know how much I love my New Years Resolutions--why, yes, that's the third time I've managed to mention them this year.
But the topic of the NY Times article is a more grandiose version of a New Years Resolution List--the Life List. I must say, I like this idea. Why not think big? I actually know a couple who does 6 month reviews of their 1,5 and 10 year plans, and they're ridiculously productive and successful. Of course, they don't have kids yet. I think fixing my office curtain rod has been on my to-do list for about six months now, obviating the need for any kind of review, since no progress whatsoever has been made.
But what would go on a life list? For some reason it's a little scary to contemplate. It sounds so momentous. What if you don't accomplish everything? What if you don't accomplish anything? Who really wants to think about that?
At least with New Years Resolutions, you can always start fresh in January. Perhaps there's a compromise? The article mentions a book: 101 things to do before you turn 40. With only 8 weeks remaining, I could accomplish this, if I did two per day on average. The only problem? This list includes ridiculous things like "eat the worm," "make out with the best man," and "quit your book club." I don't know. This all sounds a little trite to me. Maybe I'll just need to find the courage to make my own Life List.
The first item on it? Make a Life List.
--Melanie
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Noooooo! Not Ice Cream Again!
Dear Steven Jobs,You would think that after I had forwarded past Sarah McLachlan's "Ice Cream" a few gazillion times, my iPod could somehow learn that I really don't want to hear that song ever again. Couldn't you and your brilliant team of software engineers use some kind of fuzzy logic protocol to learn my music preferences? Think of the potential! It could be called the smart iPod. I don't even want royalties for my brilliant idea. Just a better music device. That's the kind of generous, music-loving person I am.
And, while we're on the topic, how is is possible that my iPod contains nearly a thousand songs, and yet when I use the "shuffle songs" feature, I am offered the same tired songs over and over? I want to hear those weird new songs that I downloaded but am not yet sure I like. Throw in a little Devendra Banhart or Regina Spektor. But, please, please, not Sarah McLachlan again. (Okay, okay, I know I can make one of those smart playlist things, but should I really have to? I mean, come on: I'm busy. You know how it is.)
I might actually have to do what a sensible person would have done months ago: delete Sarah from the library. But that would be way too easy. Mr. Jobs: just create that smart iPod thing, okay?
Sincerely,
Melanie
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
It Was Either That or The Ironing Board
In October, I'll celebrate reaching the milestone of four decades on this earth. Not that I'm complaining--life has a way of offering up tragedies that make you suddenly start to think damn, these wrinkles aren't so bad. But this isn't a tragedy blog. It's a comedy, so I want to tell you about what I'll be doing to celebrate my birthday...at the Ritz.Don't you just love the sound of that? It's like those fortune cookie games, where you add "in bed" to the end of any fortune. Just at "at the Ritz" and your life is guaranteed to sound 100% more glamorous in no time flat.
Anyway, so my husband has booked us a suite so we can all travel en famille and scarify their their walls, slosh bathwater over the edge of the tub etc. Should be lots of fun!
And apparently as part of their superior service, they send a brochure touting all of the "amenities"--I know this, because...well, it arrived in the mail. So, of course, I was perusing this bit of literature in all of my free time last night. And then, I saw it. Sandwiched in between "Egyptian Cotton Linens" and "Italian Marble Bath"--the feature that really pushed us over the edge and made us take the plunge to upscale accomodations: AM/FM clock radio with CD player. Can you imagine the luxury? It's a clock, no wait, it's a radio--and yet it plays CDs. Brilliant! What will they come up with next?
I'm not saying I don't want to know what time it is, or to be able to have some music in the room. I'm just saying that if I had been the copy editor on that particular piece of promotional material, I might have left the clock radio off the amenity list.
--Melanie
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I'll Get You My Pretties, Just As Soon As I Chase You Down in My Walker
While getting my hair cut over the weekend, I tossed out the following conversational gambit:
"We're really excited to go see the Pretenders next week."
Long pause, while the two young ladies working on my tresses (Late twenties, mid-thirties) look around blankly, obviously desperately trying to think of something to say that won't hurt my feelings.
"Ummmm. I know I've heard of them, but who are they? What do they sing?" one said helpfully.
Fooey.
--Melanie
Monday, August 06, 2007
Truly Sympatico, or Just Plain Weird?
Me: (brushing teeth) Gawd, last night I had the weirdest dream--it was about narwhals.Hubby: Whoa, that's weird: I dreamt about whales too. What's a narwhal?
Me: You know...a whale with a horn. At least, I think that's what it is.
Hubby: Wait a minute. The whales in my dream had horns, too!
Me: You've gotta be kidding. Who dreams about narwhals?
Hubby: Evidently us. It must have been something from the movie last night.
Me: Please. It was Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Hubby: So, what? We're just freaks?
Me: Speak for yourself. At least I knew what they were called.
--Melanie
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Gold in Them Thar' Hills
We're just back from a trip to Gold Country in Northern California, where we pretty much did it all. Big Trees? Check. Trip 1800 feet into an active gold mine? Check. Stay overnight at a historic hotel where the bathrooms are down the hall and the saggy mattresses haven't been upgraded since 1849? Check. Panning for eensy weensy gold nuggets? Check.Actually the gold nuggets were hilarious. You had to buy a bag of dirt that was guaranteed to have the nuggets somewhere in it. So then, you had to decide whether to go with the el cheapo thirteen dollar bag with "three grains" of gold (not actual grains, it's a unit of weight). Or for the family fun pack for $89.95. Yeah, 90 bucks for a bag of dirt just seemed...wrong. We did find our little bits of gold in the el cheapo bag, so that was plenty of fun and a bargain, all things considered.
And to top things off, we also got to make a quick stop in Napa, where the real gold was to be found--not just in the amazing hospitality of our friends Jon and Marcy, but also in the...um, 27 bottles of wine we bought during our personalized wine tour with Marcy. We actually had to bring the wine into our hotel to keep it from heating up in the sweltering July sun. Wonder what the housekeepers thought of that?
All in all, it was a really fun trip, but on the way home, we actually had time in the car to think about all the miscellaneous things that needed doing around the house, and the resulting page-long list has kept me busy ever since we got back. I'm not sure if it's a manic cycle or what, but I must admit I did find myself awake at four thirty in the morning, washing my slipcovers.
So, go to Gold Country--you just might find that you get so rested and revived that those nagging household chores start to seem surmountable again!
--Melanie
Labels: Gold, housework, Vacation
