Zeno's Bar & Grill

Well, Hallelujah, and here’s to a moment of clarity in the parenting world. Two of the leading voices on opposite ends of the parenting spectrum are moving toward the middle. Let’s hope this is the beginning of a new era that is less judgmental and critical of mothers choosing any one path.

Thursday’s NYT (“And Baby Makes Three in One Bed” by Amy Harmon) reports that Dr. Richard Ferber has revised his bestselling “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” (known for its advocacy of the cry it out sleep technique) to allow that his method may not work for all babies and that healthy sleeping patterns can include co-sleeping.

Meanwhile, Dr. William Sears, whose attachment parenting methods influenced a generation of parents (including both of us) to try to be with their babies practically 24/7 by co-sleeping and babywearing, has also come out saying that his earlier books placed too much emphasis on a baby-centric approach. He says of his new book, “What your baby needs is a happy, rested mother.” Amen. Do it however you can.

--Melanie and Kelly

Proving Darwin’s theory of the Evolution of the Species once again, my seven year old has figured out how to keep the Tamagotchi (“Tessa”) happy. I have no idea how she did it. She informs me that the things that look sort of like volcanos mean it needs to use the toilet. She has also figured out how to give it food and medicine. The latest is that she came and set it on the edge of my desk with instructions to babysit it. Just what I needed: one more creature in this house to look after.

--Melanie

My brother Mack is visiting me this week from Portland where he attends the Pacific Northwest College of Art (hence the spotty blogging). Yesterday, I got a babysitter and we headed into the city to the Museum of Contemporary Art. I love going to museums anyway, but this was so fantastic because having Mack with me was like having my own personal tour guide. He was able to give me background on the artists, and what works had inspired them and really helped me experience the art in a whole new way. The most fun part of the day was literally spinning through the Dan Flavin installation of Alternating Pink and Gold (pictured to the left). I’m not sure if he learned doing that in art school, but it sure was fun and totally worth the looks we received.

But my art lesson was not over for the day. On the way home and through dinner we discussed the question “what is art?” passionately, and at the end of the day we watched the amazing Imagining America: Icons of 20th Century American Art on PBS

It was an enlightening day and truly changed the way I view modern, and really all art.

--Kelly

The New York Times reported today on a new service from Amazon called Amazon Connect. Readers can virtually meet their favorite authors via blogs and author profile pages hosted on Amazon’s website. Hmmm, an author with a blog, who would have thought of that? Now all we need is to get our book on Amazon!

--Kelly & Melanie

The best present this year is a game called Nok Hockey. I had never heard of it, but my husband, who has a decade on me, has been raving about it since we got married. This year, I found a website that sells all kind of old fashioned toys like, Tinker Toys, Rock’em Sock’em Robots (which we also got), and, yep, Nok Hockey. Nok Hockey is the best game, it is ready to go right out of the box, with no frustrating twist ties in Gordian knots, no plastic pieces to put together and no batteries to install. Best of all, it is so much fun, everyone loved playing it.

--Kelly

This year Santa brought my oldest daughter, Anna, a Tamagotchi. For those without school-age children, the Tamagotchi is a silver dollar sized electronic pet on a keychain. It beeps at you and you are supposed to use various icons on the miniature, ill-lit screen to satisfy the little beast. If you do well, it matures into an adult and can even produce offspring, providing multi-generational Tamagotchi family trees to torment parents everywhere.

Before I continue, let me remind you that I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in a hard science. Also, can I just mention that I personally set up my Unix computer and home network. When Kelly and I were doing line edits, I installed a complicated screen sharing program involving opening ports in my router. I am not technologically challenged. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!

Alas, I could not figure out the Tamagotchi. It now resides on top of the fridge, where it is still bleating plaintively every fifteen minutes or so. I expect that by tomorrow it will be “dead”. Merrrrrrrry Christmas!

--Melanie

It was clearly a case of harmonic convergence. Yesterday morning, as I was struggling with my favorite tank top, which never quite stays in place, I decided to take a tip from Hollywood and use some double sided tape from my wrapping paper box, also conveniently located in my bedroom due to the impending holiday. Amazingly, it worked, even though it’s just regular Scotch tape and not the industrial strength stuff that J. Lo’s stylist used to keep her inside her green Versace a couple years back. Anyway, I’m happy. No more internal debates about exactly how much décolletage is too much for a 38 year old mother of preschoolers, and I can still wear my favorite top.

--Melanie

According to Health Magazine The Peninsula Hotel in Chicago has been rated one of the eleven healthiest hotels. I guess they didn’t count The Gentleman’s Retreat, where you get a glass of bourbon and a cigar. Perfect for after Pilates.

--Kelly

Abortion rates are falling according to the Guttmacher Institute in New York and a recent federal study released by the National Center for Health Statistics. Women surveyed in 2002 said that 14% of their births were unwanted at the time of conception, whereas in 1995 only 9% of women did. Now, the debate is over why. Pro-life organizations say it’s a shift to pro-life attitudes. Others argue it’s a result of reduced access to abortion.

One theory proposed by Steven Leavitt, the author of Freakonomics, may just be able to provide the answer, but we’ll have to wait until about 2020. In his controversial theory, he suggests that unwanted babies are more likely to become troubled teens, abuse drugs and commit crimes as adults. In his book he argues that a drop in crime in the 1990’s could be attributed to the Roe v. Wade decision twenty years earlier. Some parts of his research were recently questioned on technical grounds and others have raised the flags of religion and ethics, however Leavitt stands by the idea. So, we guess if there’s a crime wave in 2020, at least one economist will know why.

Other highlights from the federal report: Long term live-in relationships may be bad for marriage prospects. There was an increase in 2002 both in women who had never married (42% vs. 38% in 1995) and women who had lived with a man outside of marriage (50% vs. 41% in 1995).

--Melanie & Kelly

In the on-line edition of the The Times, Ben Macintrye reported on a scientific survey that proves that artists have better sex lives than the rest of the population. Not just painters like Picasso, but poets and writers too. That’s the good news…the bad news is that poets “die younger… than almost any other professional, including deep sea divers.” I’m glad that we decided on shelving the idea of Mommy Haikus.

quiet meal shattered
he did it she started stop
because i said so

--Kelly and Melanie

I’ve been amused by the latest SUV model name I’ve noticed on the freeways: the Nissan Armada. It’s hard to believe they were really serious when they came up with that. I can just picture the boardroom discussion:

“And now marketing is here to help us brainstorm names. Marty, step on up here.”

“Hi Everyone. Listen, the whole adventure/exploration theme has been so overdone…I mean, after the Explorer, the Navigator and the Pathfinder, there’s not much more we can contribute. So for this year’s models, we’re going with the theme of Big. Not just ordinary big, but Gargantuan. Anyone have any ideas? Yes, Joe.”

“Um…the Leviathan?”

“Good, I like it. Anyone else?”

“The Titanic?”

“Great, great. Is that trademarked? I think we’re really on a roll here.”

I swear, I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw one of those names on a bumper soon.

--Melanie

P.S. This just in. Nissan really does have a model called the Titan.

A 40 million dollar ad campaign for them, but futuristic fun for the rest of us. The Magazines Publishers of America organization has commissioned faux magazine covers dated 100 years into the future as a publicity stunt. You can view the covers at their website.

--Melanie & Kelly

Can I just say: I did it. I lost five pounds. And this weekend I got the reward I’d promised myself. My logic was that instead of paying money to some diet program that probably wouldn’t work anyway, I would take the cash and use it to bribe myself. And it actually worked. So this weekend while we were in Pasadena for my friend Katharine’s holiday cocktail party, I made a detour to Burke-Williams for the Calistoga Getaway treatment.

As a semi spa-neophyte, it was surprisingly educational. I learned all kinds of things. For example: a mud bath does not mean thick, gooey mud like what a pig would roll around in. It means Fango mud (whatever that is) lightly sprinkled in an aromatherapy bubble bath. And a body wrap is not some Marabel Morgan Total Woman-esque saran wrap special, it’s just a warm, damp blanket-y thing with a massage.

My best discovery: the steam room. Never tried one before, although I did lots of saunas growing up in Alaska. Loved it. Gonna try it at my gym next time.

--Melanie

I had my book club on Monday night, where we discussed Memoirs of a Geisha (and as usual there was only WHITE wine served, not a drop of RED. Why? Are they afraid we’ll get so excited about a point we’re making and spill all over the carpet?) There were only five of us, instead of the usual nine or ten, and I think it made for a better exchange of ideas, though I still don’t think anyone would be spilling the Merlot. Granted, this is only my third time, so there isn’t too much to compare it to, but it was the liveliest discussion we’ve had.


We also had fun talking about mothering stuff. We all admitted to having on occasion put our little ones to sleep on their tummies, because they fussed on their backs. This really seems to be a new thing. There was an article in the NY Times that I kept meaning to write a blog about, but never got to. I also learned a new term for over-protective parents, who are called “helicopter moms” because they are always hovering. Hmmm. And most disturbing of all, a new product to make breast feeding more, um, discreet. The name is the best part, and I swear I am not making this up, “Hooter Hiders”. ‘nuf said. Stop the presses! As I was looking for the link I discovered the company has changed its name to Bebe au Lait. I guess the French makes for a classier product. I’m sure Susan from our book would agree.

Now for those of you who are dying to know about what our book club had to say about Memoirs of a Geisha, continue reading this paragraph. If you haven’t read it or seen the movie you might want to stop here because there are SPOILERS. Our first point was whether geishas should be considered prostitutes. We came to the conclusion that they were really more like slaves. We also discussed whether Sayuri would have been happier had Mr. Tanaka not sold her and she remained in her fishing village. Also, I proposed an alternate ending to the book that I thought would have been more romantic and less Hollywood. I was disappointed that Sayuri did not grow during the book and wanted her to realize that her crush on The Chairman was silly and that Nobu was her true love. Nobu would then tell Sayuri that he didn't want to be her danna. Sayuri would be crushed until he asked her to marry him. Violins and Fade.

--Kelly

Yesterday I tried Pilates for the first time. And I know it was good for me because this morning I am sore in places I’ve never been sore before. Like my rib cage. My ankles. And of course all the old favorites…arms, legs, shoulders. Pretty much everywhere. I can hardly wait for the next class, where I imagine she will work those remaining untouched areas, like my eyeballs and soles of my feet.

--Melanie

I think this whole book thing finally has me cracking up. Last night I dreamt that I was hosting my book club at my house. First, I didn’t have enough chairs for everybody, then I realized I forgot to buy white wine. For some reason I couldn’t just serve the bottles of red that I had, but took orders from everyone like I was some sort of waitress. They were giving me all of these crazy cocktails like a Seabreeze, and I was trying to figure out if I could use unsweetened cranberry juice to make it. I think that my anxious subconscious mind mixed up Book Deal with Book Club. I do have book club on Monday, but I don’t have to host until April. You can damn well bet that I’ll stock up on Pinot Grigio and Chardonnay!

--Kelly

Yesterday I heard an ad on the radio for a “holiday pick me up”. It was a plastic surgery ad. The cheery voice told me I could choose the tummy tuck at $5000.00 or the breast lift at $3500.00. Fine, I’m thinking. So far, so good. I’ve lived in Southern California long enough that this doesn’t phase me. It’s a choice, it’s an option, no reason why they shouldn’t get their airtime like everyone else.

Then the announcer continued with the wonderful and thrifty package deal, which offered both procedures for $8000.00. Also fine. Discounts are good. The kicker? They called it the “Mommy Makeover”. Like we’re the only ones who would possibly need the double header. That part I could’ve done without. We gave these kids life, man. Give us a break.

--Melanie

A recent article entitled Homeward Bound by Linda Hirshman has royally irritated a lot of stay-at-home blogging moms who believe she is dissing traditional women’s work and putting too much blame on women for choosing to drop their careers.

We hit this topic in our novel, when Jane says, “Leaving my job to stay home with Jack had begun to seem more and more like the quintessential choice in the post-feminist world of the new millennium. After all, hadn’t my mother’s generation fought hard for my right to give up my career?” It’s supposed to be ironic, people.

Another interesting aspect to the article is Hirshman’s assumption that enough has been done to improve the workplace for women and the rest is up to them. Many would argue that not enough has been done for mothers. The UC system has a fascinating initiative called the Faculty Family Friendly Edge (funded by the Alfred P. Sloane Foundation) to address this issue.

Interestingly, part of what made the UC system realize it needed to do something about this was the realization that women were, in fact, choosing to drop off the faculty ladder. So those of us who made that choice to “drop out”—whatever our reasons—may have an impact on policy in some cases by effectively boycotting a labor market that doesn't value all women's work, including the second shift that includes traditional homemaking, a point also made in Miriam Peskowitz’s The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars. Maybe dropping out isn’t such a bad thing if it precipitates change.

--Melanie & Kelly

Let me start by saying that I know that Sliding Doors is over seven years old at this point, but with two kids, sometimes it takes a while to get to a movie. I’ve actually had it for a while from Netflix, but my husband kept passing over it. I knew he would never want to watch it when he chose a movie about meth addicts over it. So last night while he was away I watched it by myself.

At first it seemed like kind of a typical romantic comedy a la Bridget Jones' Diary-- innocuous enough, nothing heavy. But then toward the end (warning: SPOILERS follow), when she had the accidents in both of her realities I literally got goose bumps. I thought she was going to die in both realties at the exact same moment. That would have made an amazing statement about fate, and whether we can avoid things – very Appointment in Samarra-esque. But of course in typical Hollywood fashion, she had to continue living in one reality and meet her true love anyway.

Another disappointment was that the stronger of the two Helens died (the one who discovered her boyfriend in bed with another woman). But on second thought, maybe the Helen who didn’t make that discovery was the stronger one, because she had to learn her lessons the hard way rather than having them handed to her on a platter. Anyway, I’m sure that was probably way too much thought and effort put into analyzing a movie when I should have been writing, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.

--Kelly

Having been introduced to the game Balderdash by Melanie, I immediately thought of her when I saw this new board game called Liebrary in the Chicago Tribune. The game provides 350 cards that each give the title and synopsis of a real book. Each person writes down what they think the first line of the book could be, and moves down the board based on how many people think theirs is the correct first line. It’s a bit pricey at $48, but according to the Tribune, has quality wooden pieces. Melanie was going to purchase it, but the price and packaging drove her away. Maybe a graphic artist and a lower price would give them a runaway hit. (Kind of sounds like a competition on The Apprentice).

Here’s a cheaper version from my own library:

Title: Wild Animus

Synopsis: In 1969 a disillusioned Berkeley grad, Sam Altman, travels to the remote Alaskan wilderness. He falls in love and transforms himself into a ram. When the truth behind his imagined transformation emerges, their sanity and love is threatened.

First Lines:

A. Baaaa

B. A canister hit the asphalt thirty feet from Sam Altman, and white smoke coiled from its top.

C. A battered VW bug spewing smoke pulled to the side of 101 just north of Petaluma and thus began my journey.

D. Suddenly the weight of the anti-war sign was too much for Sam to bear, and he threw it roughly to the ground.


See the answer below my signature




--Kelly

The correct answer is B

Internet/Computer Addictions are on the rise. But we don’t have to tell you that, do we? Even Melanie admits to felony possession of an HP iPaq, while Kelly’s husband, Barry, has entered a twelve step program for recovering Crackberry users.

Here are the top ten signs of an Internet/Computer Addiction:

1. Inability to predict amount of time spent on computer.
2. Failure to control personal use
3. Having a sense of euphoria while on computer.
4. Craving more computer time.
5. Neglecting family and friends.
6. Feeling restless, irritable and discontent when offline.
7. Lying about computer activity
8. Problems with school or job performance as result of time spent on computer.
9. Feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety or depression as result of time spent on computer.
10. Changes in sleep patterns

Sound familiar? We’d write more, but we don’t want anyone to have to stage an intervention.

--Melanie & Kelly