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Due to a Tivo Snafu last week, I was unable to watch to the premiere of Martha Stewart’s version of The Apprentice. This Wednesday night I took no chances, I triple-checked the settings, and at 7 P.M. made certain that it was indeed recording.

For all of my preparation and planning, I’m not completely hooked. The best thing I can say is that Martha was fabulous and seemed very real, even mentioning her jail time when one of the contestants (excuse me…applicants), wanted to quit.

Overall, the show seemed kind of bland, which may have been the influence of a set that was done in tasteful, muted, boring dove gray. The men and women vying for the chance to work with her weren’t much better. They seem less savvy than the people on Donald Trump’s version and I was kind of disappointed that there didn’t seem to be any real Martha Wanna-be’s with demure twin-sets and pearls and having won the Betty Crocker Cook-off five times in a row. Maybe there is still a chance for one to emerge. I can only hope.

--Kelly

Our book is back in the mail, en route to our agent, Angela Rinaldi. We hope she likes this version, because then it’s off to publishers. At this point, we pretty much know the book by heart, having read it so many times. Believe it or not, we still think it’s fun to read, even for the hundredth time.

--Melanie & Kelly

Tim O’Brien argues in today’s NYT that Google Print may save authors from the greatest threat: obscurity. Google Print, recently on the business end of a class action lawsuit for copyright infringement, aims to provide a searchable database of the digitized versions of every book on the planet. Some have argued that allowing Google Print to provide snippets of text from these books for free opens a Pandora’s box that will keep authors from being paid fairly for their work. Others, like O’Brien, believe that Google’s initiative will bring hidden gems to light and help authors get their work read more widely.

In his comments, O’Brien cites the Nielsen BookScan, which tracks book sales. This data shows that only two percent of the unique titles available in 2004 sold more than 5,000 copies. From this point of view, a little help from Google might not be such a bad thing.

One popular argument against Google Print argues that digitizing entire works opens the door to old school Napster-type infringements. A more positive way to look at it would be to say that publishers can learn from the music industry, which seems to be forming an uneasy truce with the realities of digitization. Books could be available in a subscription-based format, like the new, improved Napster. Or maybe they could be available for outright purchase, like audiobooks from Audible or songs and albums from iTunes.

We hope we will soon be in a position to worry about people “stealing” our book. That certainly sounds better than languishing in obscurity or never being published in the first place!

--Melanie & Kelly

A few weeks ago as I was filling out my son’s paperwork (at the last minute) so he could start Kindergarten, I came across an application to join the PTA. My first reaction was surprise at the $20 membership fee to join ($25 for couples). I’m not sure if this is something new from when I was a kid or not, but I had just always assumed that it was free to join. It was like another parenting mystery being revealed.

I decided against joining. I wanted to help out, but I wasn’t sure the PTA was right for me. And, after a four-hour marathon meeting at my son’s preschool last year, I wanted to volunteer for something that I could do on my own, without any committees. Instead, I decided to help out the school by taking over as editor of the school newspaper. I thought it would be interesting and good practice for my own writing.

You can imagine my surprise when I got the e-mail announcing the Executive Board for this school year’s PTA and saw my name front and center on the list! Apparently the newspaper is put out by the PTA, and the editor is also an Executive Board member by default. I guess I should send in my twenty bucks!

--Kelly

We are up to our ears in wrapping paper. Between the two of us, we have five wrapping paper fundraisers that we are supposed to be promoting. It looks like we’re going to be buying a lot of it ourselves becaus neither of us has the chutzpah to start going door to door, and with kids under the age of five, that’s pretty much what it boils down to. Anybody need some gift bags and ribbon?

--Melanie and Kelly

An article that appeared this week in the New York Times raised the ire of just about everyone from stay-at-home moms to working moms, if the letters to the editor that appeared yesterday are anything to go by. Articles like this (and the subsequent outcry) seem to appear every couple of years like clockwork. See, for example, Lisa Belkin’s, “The Opt-Out Revolution”, which appeared in the NY Times in 2003.

This week’s article, "Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood", by Louise Story, reported that more than half of a group of surveyed Ivy League students plan to cut back on work or stop working entirely when they have children. On the surface, this might sound hopelessly retrograde, and this is part of what gets people up in arms. Actually if you look at details it’s not as bad as it first sounds. Among the students who plan to cut back, half said they planned to work part-time and half wanted to stop work for ‘at least a few years’. This seems pretty reasonable, as long as they are lucky enough to have the financial means to do so.

From the article: “The women said that pursuing a rigorous college education was worth the time and money because it would help position them to work in meaningful part-time jobs when their children are young or to attain good jobs when their children leave home.” Again, this seems logical. The only problem will be if their options aren’t as rosy as they hope. Meaningful part-time work may be harder to come by than they are expecting. There might also be unanticipated penalties for taking time off.

Maybe the bright, young Ivy Leaguers of today can figure how to create better flexible work options for mothers, thereby making their own dreams come true.

--Melanie & Kelly

On Tuesday I got to go to an exclusive shopping event at the State Street Marshall Fields in downtown Chicago. My friend is a personal shopper there and invited me.

We took a stretch limo from our local Marshall Fields to the flagship store downtown. After checking in, I snagged a waiter armed with an Easter Egg-like array of cocktails: watermelon margaritas, cotton candy martinis, and grasshoppers that tasted just like the mint Frappuccino’s at Starbucks, only with more of a kick. There was a DJ spinning tunes, and other waiters with trays of hors d'oeuvres

Needless to say it was more of a party atmosphere than a shopping expedition. Though I did manage to snag a pair of super soft chocolate brown cords from BCBG and a sweater by Tommy Hilfiger.

The highlight of the evening, for me anyway, was seeing Stacy London, co-host of TLC’s What Not to Wear. She hosted a Calvin Klein Fall Preview Runway Show and stayed around afterward dispensing her fashion wisdom.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to catch her for the advice. There were many more drink waiters than food servers, (maybe they were trying to loosen us up to buy more?) and I was starving, so I escaped to the food court downstairs to grab some greasy pasta salad and minestrone soup. I was able to get a photo of Stacy although it is kind of blurry. My beloved Razr phone wasn’t up to the photography challenge of a low light, moving target situation.

In any case, it was a really fun evening.

--Kelly

For a right-brain workout, try the New Yorker Cartoon Caption contest. Every week they publish a new, uncaptioned cartoon in their magazine (and online) and invite readers to submit entries. The winners get their names published, and each receives a print of the cartoon with his or her caption on it. Cool, huh?

If you want to participate but can’t think of anything clever, you can also cast your vote on the top potential captions from the previous week.

I have yet to submit a winning caption, but it’s fun to try. I must admit, I’ve also submitted some real clunkers. They seem so brilliant at the time, and then later I wonder what the heck I was thinking. It’s really much harder than it seems, but I keep hoping that someday inspiration will strike and I’ll finally see my name in the New Yorker.

--Melanie

I just got the Motorola Razr phone. It’s sad to say, but I think I’ve fallen in love. I can take pictures with it and then set it up so that a picture of whoever is calling will come up on my little screen. All I have to do is push a button and say the name of a person, and instantly they’re on the line. Just like having a 1950’s secretary.

And best of all, the ringtone can be set to play MP3 files. Right now when anyone calls, I’m treated to a snippet of Feel Good Inc. by the Gorillaz. It makes me halfway tempted to publish my phone number, just so I can hear it ring. (But not quite!)

All of this in a sleek, black package less than an inch thick.

--Kelly

A recent survey from iVillage may or may not have the broad implications suggested by the headline of its press release, “Where Are All The Miserable Moms? New Survey from iVillage & Martex Counterpoints 'Motherhood as Turmoil'”.
The survey represents the opinions of about 1500 iVillage members, and a copy of the full report can be read at the iVillage website.

One question that caught our attention was about changes that women would make to be better moms. The majority said they’d like to work less, quit work or become SAHMs (38%) or do more activities with their kids (18%). Some felt they could be better moms by moving to bigger houses (5%) or having more kids (2%).

Only 14% of the mothers said that they felt they wouldn’t make any changes, selecting the answer in the survey that was phrased “Nothing-already perfect.” Three of these moms were also quoted in the report:

• “No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and we all try to learn from them.
• “I’m as perfect a mom for MY kids as you can get.”
• “I’m not sure I need to be a better mom. I’m not perfect by any means, but I do the best that I know how for my family.”

So, is the secret to being a “Perfect Mom” accepting one’s own imperfections (and those of others)? Sounds good to us.

--Melanie and Kelly

I love to browse the stacks and stacks of catalogs that arrive at my house, indulging in fantasies of what my life could be like, if only… Now here is the kind of product that makes me feel like a split personality. It’s a Halloween Dollhouse Decorating Kit from Hearthsong, complete with miniature trees, luminarias, Halloween buckets and the world’s smallest autumn leaves.

On the one hand, I think, “Awww…how cute,” and I imagine my perfectly decorated house complete with Halloween dollhouse. The other part of me thinks, “That is completely insane—I don’t have time to decorate my real house, let alone a doll house.” Maybe they’re intended for empty-nesters?

--Melanie

P.S. While I’m on the topic, I might as well confess: I am a Christmas Village person. I have the Dept. 56 Dickens Village. The fake snow? Yes. The miniature people, the yule log, the pretend pine trees? Yes, Yes, Yesssssss! I say it’s for the kids, but that’s just my cover story. Maybe I really should reconsider the dollhouse thing…

It’s time to order that embarrassing milestone of youth. Yes, class pictures are about to be taken all over America humiliating yet another generation for decades to come.

One difference being on this side of the fence is how hard it is to figure out the damn order form. There are a full fifteen variations of 8x10’s, 5x7’s and 1 ½ x 2 ¼’s available for purchase – everything from A – E12. There are various background colors you can choose for an additional three dollars. Oh, but wait! If you order packages A12-E12 the background colors come free of charge. In addition there are various option add-ons, which are NOT AVAILABLE ALONE!

I think I’ll just tack it to a wall and throw a dart at it and pick whichever one it lands on.

--Kelly

Can anyone please tell me why my microwave egg poacher cooks one egg until it is hard and dry, while the other side stays raw and runny? Every single *@#$%$*! time?

I’ve tried, really I have. I’ve purchased different styles of poachers. I’ve spent long minutes centering the eggs so that they are both precisely equidistant from the center of the microwave, and I’ve varied the cooking time and post-cooking cooldown in a dazzling array of permutations. No matter what, I end up with one yellow dust ball inside white rubber and one salmonella special. Is it just me?

I realize this doesn’t loom large in the grand scheme of things, but it would make a nice breakfast someday if someone knows the answer. Just don’t tell me to dust off my old-fashioned egg poaching pan and boil some water.

--Melanie

We’ve written a novel set inside the world of perfect motherhood. This week, we were sent an article about self-styled “Alpha Mom”, Isabel Kallman, whose views on parenting reminded us of the ubermother, Nikki, in our novel.

The article, "Empire of the Alpha Mom", by Randall Patterson appeared in the June 20th issue of New York magazine. In it, we learn that Kallman is a former senior VP at Solomon Smith Barney who has turned to preaching the gospel of perfect motherhood. She has even started her own channel, Alpha Mom TV, to spread the word. Kelly watched two segments on Comcast yesterday: about Babies and Sleep and How to Raise a Thinking Child. Overall, she was underwhelmed by the production and editing and felt that neither segment did much to open a discussion about these issues. The solution for babies and sleep was to let them cry it out. Period.

Considering how hard the transition to motherhood can be, it’s perhaps understandable that Kallman sought to find order in a chaotic world. Her solution, however, is a bit extreme, to say the least. The Alpha Mom credo assumes that there really is a “right way” to do things—a Platonic ideal of perfection. As Patterson puts it in his article, “Simply by calling herself and her network Alpha Mom, she presents an ideal and promotes the notion that perfection can be achieved. Isabel ratchets up the tension; more mothers go nuts. The work of Alpha Mom TV, like that of the church, will be to allay the fear it creates.”

--Melanie & Kelly

Last night was my first experience at attending a book club. This particular club is limited to twelve members, so I was only able to get in after someone else dropped out.

I wasn’t sure what to expect by way of discussion on the book, but actually there was very little. None of us liked it very much, and I joked that I thought it was some sort of hazing ritual for the new girl. Due to the risk of sending out bad karma for our own book, I’m not going to name the novel we read.

It was a fun time: we had some wine and popcorn salted with a special garlic and Cajun salt that my friend makes and sells. And we talked about all sorts of subjects, from our kids to where we were on September 11th.

Our book for next time is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. I remember reading a great review in the New York Times, and I’m excited to get started on it.

--Kelly

Our agent e-mailed us over the weekend to say that she has finished reading the current draft of our novel (Title TBA) and that it’s looking good. Only some minor line polishing is needed before sending it out to publishers. We went through the text last night making some of the suggested edits.

While we were at it, we re-worked a couple of passages, resulting in several fits of uncontrollable laughter. This is not an uncommon occurrence for us. Our families have grown used to the sounds of grown women giggling hysterically while touch typing. It’s positively therapeutic. We hope that if and when the novel is finally published that other people will have as much fun reading it as we have had writing it.

--Melanie & Kelly

Next month New York’s MoMA will host an exhibition called “SAFE: Design Takes On Risk” (October 16, 2005 to January 2, 2006). According the MoMA website, it will feature over 300 products and prototypes designed around themes of stress, danger, emergencies and safety.

Some items are clearly artistic in nature, such as the Kevlar rose pin and the killer engagement ring with the sharp point of the diamond facing outward (“also perfect for tagging any surface” according to the artist’s website), both by New York designer Tobias Wong.

Others are more serious, like RedStart Design’s Subtle Safety Ring, a stackable ring that can be opened up and worn over three fingers like brass knuckles.







One item that didn’t make it into the exhibit (as far as we know), is the Pepper Spray Ring available from a variety of retailers. It’s designed to be worn on the index finger, so that the thumb can press a button to deploy the spray.

We can think of a certain character in one of our books who would be very interested in this exhibit!

--Kelly and Melanie

Kate Winslet has been voted Britain’s sexiest mom or “Yummy Mummy”—as a tie in with the Avent-sponsored Yummy Mummy Week (Sept. 16-25), to raise money for a children’s cancer charity, CLIC Sargent.

Good causes aside, it’s a bit disturbing to see the whole Yummy Mummy thing taking flight. This term gained wide fame via a marketing survey released by Euro RSCG Worldwide in mid-2004. This was the same company that brought the term “metrosexual” to life. It is a leading marketing agency with offices in 75 countries and a client roster including Intel, Volvo, MCI and Aventis among others.

The study classified mothers into five categories for the purpose of helping corporations sell more products. The quotes below are from a Euro RSCG press release (see the link at http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/05-04-2004/0002166801&EDATE=)

Domestic Diva—“…pays lip service to being the 2004 version of the perfect mom, but in reality she simply wants the appearance of it—and the accolades that follow….wants flawless kids (courtesy of the nanny), a spotless home (courtesy of the cleaning service) and a reputation for being a fabulously put-together homemaker…”

Boomerang Mom—“Wracked with guilt over the years spent away from the children; proud of professional accomplishments, but even more proud of decision to move away from high-powered career.”

Yummy Mummy—“Absolutely no interest in being perceived as homemaking icons. Though they may be devoted to their little darlings…equal energy goes toward maintaining their cute figures, staying a step ahead of the latest styles and enjoying the nightlife—in and outside the bedroom—with their handsome, successful husbands.”

Mini-Me Moms—“To the mini-me mom, children are fashion accessories…these moms are control freaks who have a set vision for what their children—typically their daughters—will be, and they are hell-bent on achieving their goals.”

Rage Brigade—“Frustration with the lack of life/work balance; guilt at limited “downtime” with children; anger at her spouse’s unwillingness to assume more responsibility…”

This marketing study earned RSCG the Apple Pie in the Face Award from Mothers and More, who commented, “We try to teach our kids about stereotypes and why they are bad, but who is correcting the advertising industry when they invent and then try to sell negative stereotypes?”

--Melanie & Kelly

We former teens of the 80’s are, like, totally out of it.

An article by Nathan Bierma in the Tribune yesterday reported on a linguist from the University of Toronto who studied the way the characters on the TV show “Friends” used intensifiers. He watched every episode from the first eight seasons (1994-2001).

A little grammar lesson: an intensifier is an adverb that modifies adjectives and verbs to create more emphasis (such as, “very”, “rather”, and “so”)

I think that every “Friends” fan can so guess which intensifier came out on top. Clocking in at 45 percent, “so” was the definite winner, with “really” at a distant second, and the old standby “very” coming in third with only 15 percent.

And, as you might have guessed, the intensifier “totally” was used only 2 percent of the time on “Friends”, and I’m guessing that was during the fat Monica high school flashback scenes.

--Kelly

Last night, I made three lunches for three schoolgirls. I guess I’ll be doing that for a while now. The youngest is two and just started preschool three mornings a week. I was surprised by how hard it was to leave her there this morning! Luckily, her big sister is in the same school. And the director called me about an hour after I left and told me she was settling in nicely. I’m sure I’ll get used to the unfamiliar feeling of freedom…eventually (sniff).

--Melanie

So we did the first day. It wasn’t hard on either of us, because parents had to stay for the whole time. On Friday will be her first day being dropped off. I'm sure at least one of us will be sadder.

--Kelly

I’m getting ready to take my youngest child to her first day at pre-school. It is a different feeling than I had with my first. As with everything, I feel slightly preoccupied to really focus on her milestones. Today, for instance, because I need to stay with her for school, getting my son to Kindergarten has become more of a logistical nightmare than the storming of Normandy. I will focus though. I even have my camera ready!

--Kelly

A study released yesterday in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that preschoolers in a role-playing research activity were three to four times more likely to choose alcohol or cigarette from a play store if their parents drank or smoked. According to an AP story reporting on the study, "a 4-year-old girl chose Barbie-sized tobacco in the pretend store and said: “I need this for my man. A man needs cigarettes.”

The kids were allowed to select from a variety of miniature items, including fruit, meat and bread and were mostly from white, college-educated families with lower than average rates of smoking and “fairly high” alcohol use.

Even though it wasn’t a perfect random sample, I must say, as a parent, this was…ahem…sobering.

--Melanie

My Italian friends just returned from their summer vacation and brought me a classic Bialetti aluminum stovetop espresso maker and several cans of my favority Illy coffee. I got a lesson in how to make espresso the real Italian way, including the secret for mimicking the tiny bit of creamy brown foam that floats on the top of the best espresso, called crema, which is hard to get without an industrial grade machine (I’m not talking cappuccino here; this is straight up espresso).

The trick is that you take a teaspoon of the coffee that comes out first—the strongest and blackest—and mix it with several teaspoons of sugar until you have a thick mocha-colored paste. Then, when you serve the espresso, you spoon a bit of the sugar/coffee mixture into each cup. It dissolves, and presto—instead of plain old black coffee, you have a sweet, delicious, picture-perfect espresso. Fantastico!

--Melanie

My younger brother just got married at an eco-resort in upstate New York called Pollywogg Holler (website is http://www.pollywoggholler.com/ ). It got its name from all of the man-made ponds and wetland areas that have been stocked with thousands of frogs. The frogs are supposed to keep the mosquitoes at bay, and they really do their job. Believe me, if there is a mosquito around in a five mile radius it will find me. But I walked away with nary an itchy red bump.

The wedding itself was so beautiful and laid back, a perfect reflection of my brother and his new wife. My daughter was the flower girl, and there were not any silly demands for what she should wear or do, etc.

A funny moment in the ceremony came when my son, the ring bearer, dropped the ring. It bounced underneath the outside stage they were standing on. Another ring was used as a stand in, and one of the 14 year old cousins managed to squirm underneath and save the day.

My husband, kids and I slept in the geodesic dome at the Resort. It was called the Phantasy Dome and came complete with a round bed hanging from the ceiling.

All in all it was the best wedding I’ve ever been to.

--Kelly

A while back we had an idea for a website that we were going to tie in with our first novel…and maybe we still will. The novel (currently residing with our agent prior to submission to publishers) is about a woman navigating the world of Perfect Momism after quitting her high powered career. At the end of the book, her new (non-perfect) friends start a website with tips for recovering Perfect Moms. Here, we bring you a few…

GENERAL:
Don’t judge another mother by the contents of her child’s lunchbox.
…or her children’s clothes, childcare arrangements, decision to work or not work etc.

Allow your husband to help you and don’t fret the details.
…If he screws up the laundry, he can fix things or explain to his son why his football jersey is now pink.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Let your husband get up first and serve breakfast sometimes.

Don’t let your child’s playdates exceed your own by more than a factor of three.

HOLIDAYS
Lower the bar on birthdays!!!

Thank you notes…two words: e-mail and telephone.
…if the gift was opened in the presence of the giver, thank them in person!

HOUSEHOLD
Use convenience foods as circumstances dictate.
…the kids will like the store-bought birthday cupcakes better anyway.

Get a dog and never sweep the floor again!

KIDS
Put your children in front of the TV occasionally without guilt.
…reclaim your sanity with an uninterrupted shower or phone call.

Teach your children that nothing in life is perfect.
Believe it.

--Melanie and Kelly

Last night I saw The 40 Year Old Virgin with my husband. It was hilarious! There were so many snappy one-liners that it was hard to catch them all. I literally couldn’t stop laughing. High brow entertainment, it ain’t, but the writing is quite clever—it would have to be to overcome the dorky title and poster image to become the number one movie in America. Now here’s the disclaimer: if you dislike any kind of off-color humor or swearing, you’ll hate it. Ditto if you’re looking for a deep message, although the peace, love and harmony/Age of Aquarius montage is pretty funny. Plus, when I noticed that all the other movie patrons were college-aged, it made me feel young and hip. My juvenile sense of humor finally pays off.

--Melanie

I just spoke to her. They don't have electricty or water, but both should be restored soon!

I still haven’t been able to reach her, but I just read in the Chicago Tribune that people north of the railroad tracks received only wind damage, and not flooding. My grandmother lives a good 10 miles north of the tracks, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

--Kelly

I’m not really feeling in the sunniest of moods. My grandmother lives in Gulfport, MS, which, as I’m sure you’re aware, was hit pretty severely by Hurricane Katrina. All of the phones are down, so I haven’t been able to get in touch with her to see if she is safe. Her name is Helen Bristol and she’s a very spry 76 year old , so I hope that she’s OK and that soon I’ll have a happy update to post.

--Kelly